It’s been a busy couple days on the farm.
Logan had his braces put on Monday, only to discover an abscessed tooth… So exactly 2.5hours after getting braces on his lower teeth he was having emergency oral surgery to yank out a tooth that was rotted to the root.
So what did I do in those 2.5 hours? I fed him a milkshake and three cookies.
I was like, ” Here! Eat! All! The! Sugar!”
All! The! Sugar!
EAT IT! ALL! And drink it, too!
This is especially remarkable because I don’t give him sugar. Ever. The kid doesn’t even have boxed cereal or instant oatmeal. The kid hadn’t had a cavity. But now he has an abscessed tooth.
Logan asked if getting his tooth out would feel more like a Tarantula bite or a cobra bite. I told him neither. He said, No, on a scale of tarantula bite to cobra bite, how much will it hurt?
Umm. Here, eat another cookie. I had bought extra and stuffed them in my purse for just these sorts of questions.
Eat your feelings, kiddo.
So I call my awesome boss, explained I won’t be in bc of unforeseen circumstances, and take Logan on to have his procedure where upon looking in the kid’s mouth, our ( beloved) dentist says:
“Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That’s an emergency” and motions to his assistants to bring all. The. Numbing. Medications.
I’m gonna need more milkshakes and cookies now. Stat.
The tooth was in such gross shape the dentist insisted on putting it in his special Tooth Fairy Priority Same Day Delivery Drop- Box at his office ( aka the bio hazard box)
“oh yeah, we have a very special box for teeth like these”
He told Logan he would attach a note with his address and not to be surprised if the tooth fairy delivered early. Which is of course exactly what happened. Logan got home and almost immediately found $5 under his pillow BEFORE EVEN GOING TO SLEEP! Amazing.
Tooth fairy pays a premium on teeth yanked the same day a kid gets braces, you know.
Logan refused to eat dinner ( for obvious reasons) and woke up for school the next morning in pain but rushing because he really wanted to see his friends. He cried when I told him I was keeping him home until he ate a full meal. Which he thankfully did at lunch.
I took him to school for the last 90 minutes of the day so I could at least have time to clean the house.
I did that. He got home from school and I thought I could finally have a minute to sit down on my couch and thumb through the latest Oprah magazine.
That’s when our Alpaca, Asher, looked in at me on the couch.
…Through our living room window.
And spit on it.
Asher, it would seem, has an opinion of Oprah, and it’s not positive.
I knew at that moment, as only a woman getting side-eye through the living room window from a herd of loose alpacas can know, that my day’s work was actually just beginning. The alpacas had escaped and were about to eat the neighbor’s rose bushes, kick the other neighbor’s dog, and inflict a never-before-imagined plague of biblical proportions on the neighborhood, at a trot of 17 miles per hour.
Luckily, I still had cookies in my purse.